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Write for Us

So You Want To Write for Us?

Each week, our mailbox is inundated with slanderous emails from writers and SEO “Experts” claiming that they could write better articles than one of our writers. It’s always “Your site blows!” and “I could write a better article than this crap!” and “Can I please write for your site?” and “How come you never write me back? Am I suffocating you? Oh my God I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

Let’s get a grip here, people.

It’s time for our readers to walk the walk. We’re now accepting those guest posts. Starting Aug 1 2022, we’ll start accepting and publishing guest post submissions from writers like you that we feel might have what it takes. If we think you’ve got the skills, then you just may be our next paid writer.


1. All submissions must be original, or at least pass the “Can we find this article on the internet in under three seconds before we get lazy?” rule.

2. You allow us full editorial control, without altering the piece from a context standpoint.

3. You allow us to print your first name, or an alias of your choosing. Your alias cannot be “Hartley Sucks” or anything along those lines.

4. If you have a hot sister, you have to send us a picture. If you have a hot sister and you don’t send a picture, we’ll find out. Trust us.

5. Keep you content relevant to our services. Don’t write anything about Rosie O’Donnell or Gwyneth Paltrow. Nobody cares about those whiny chicks, and we don’t feel like defending boring crap on our site.

Send all entries to hello@essaywpthemes.com. We’ll start things off next Monday.

Best of Luck!

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